Moving on

My last post on July 18th was such a happy time for us....well that same day I went in to have an emergency ultrasound and found out that our little one had stopped growing at about 6 1/2 weeks. I felt like all my happiness was taken away and became numb. I would have been 11 weeks at the time. 

Sean was out in the woods for SWAT training and I could not get a hold of him for about 4 hours. This was a horrible feeling. The following day I had a D & C, which was very difficult and painful. It has been a very hard time, both emotionally and physically, but we know that God does things for a reason and most likely, our little one was not healthy! 

So we move on. As easy as that sounds, it most definately is not. Every time I see a baby or a pregnant woman I feel empty inside and think that should be me. I know it is not my fault, but as a mother, it is hard for me to not blame myself in some way! 

I am so grateful for the amazing support we have had from our amazing friends and most of our family. It truly shows us how blessed we are and who really cares when we are hurting. Many have disappointed me through this as well, but once again, we move on. 

We do not get to start trying again for another month, which is SOOOO hard, but I have to make sure I am ok before we can proceed! I know it will take time, but when that time is right, God will bless us with a healthy and beautiful baby! I look forward to that time and sharing it as we go! 

Through all of this, it has made me love Kaden even more (which I did not know was possible) and has helped me let go and ask for help. Sean has been amazing through all of my ups and downs and I am so blessed and grateful to have both my boys in my life <3